Schematic of a depression

The fire near my left toe has been waxing and waning very  rapidly in the last hour. Pain came in repetatitve pulses, screaming attention in one moment, then spreading softly in another.

Lumbar disc prolapse, it has been said, when a nerve lets its anger known when two vertebrae keeps crunching it mildly, and then apologising, and repeating in the next. I got one, and then there was one more. 16 more days, or 384 hours, or atleast 230400 more of these. And each one knocks me out from deep sleep. Ouch.. 230399. Hm.

I have to get out of Raigarh, now. This being away, from truth, pain and meaningful connections is costing me dearly. The mask, I have to bid adieu. Sooner is better.

Why does it feel bad? It wasnt supposed to, in any way. Was it (in)security? Was it vested hope? I dont know myself, all over again.

And during this tide of doubts, my shores are lonesome, like me.

I feel so, INCOMPLETE.

Some movies...

Whenever I watch Moulin Rouge and Finding Neverland, I cant help the tears. Its like emotions swell within me untill I can contain a tsunami of it any longer. And then, she goes.

There are things I so wanted to share, badly. The pure beauty of such movies score high amongst my list. Oh I forgot to throw Wall E, E.T., and Up in that list. But thing is, whenever I watch them, I feel very lonely at the sharing insufficiency. But then again,

"The greatest thing one can ever learn is to love and be loved in return."

So there is a tomorrow after all..

Well, even for an over-imaginative me, this end of the world cry was futile and hokum. Glad that I didnt give into silly emotions and make any stupid calls here and there.

Then again, what if I made those calls?

Freedom

What is freedom, really? No, I mean really! Is it a right, or is it a state of mind? Why does its definition change the deeper we sink into our thoughts?

Anthony Hopkins in INSTINCT makes you think this over and over again. Rightly so, till you have stripped down facts, figures and illusions... And you have either opened up your mind, or left halfway, increasingly scared while realizing that you comfort zone is an illusion you choose to live in. The worst part? Deep down, you realise everything we have been doing, is wrong from within.

Bad day

Traditional bad day. Job screwed up on its own, things that could go wrong, went haywire... And stinging memories flooding with disturbing anger. Oh, and other RB issues.

Naah... Still have to make dinner, wash clothes and clean up the room. Its 10.30 pm now... Didnt notice when I had crossed over to Bad Night.

*RB - Retard of a Boss.

12-12-2012

It now seems 12-12-2012 was about our loss of the Pandit. A loss to musiv, the country and the world.
Pronaam.

Meaninglessness in a hollow life

Kahlil Gibran once wrote, 'the greater that sorrow carves into your being, the greater joy you can contain.'
Well he didnt mention what happens if sorrow carves and carves till it reaches the other end, leaving a hollow cylinder. Where even the greatest joy can only pass and not be held. If anyone has a clue or suggestion, my audience is on.